Its crazy how life has changed since iv been on here i almost feel as if its a safe place to vent because no one sees or hears what i have to say...

Life is good. I have all the idealistic means to make it that way. A car that runs. A place to lay my head at night. A job to pay the bills. The worst part about the whole idea is i never wanted that i never wanted to be that person the settling type. I wanted to walk and see the world and everyone who lives in it. I wanted my backpack and my closest friend and we would explore. Its crazy how things change in a blink of an eye everyone who you thought you loved and loved you in return left or maybe you left them...i thought life would be better for everyone if i was gone i thought people would be happier if i decided to walk alone. Yet here i am almost 3 years later and i'm still walking alone...Or so i feel i mean i have people who considered my friends and people who love me but i cant help but wonder what would have happened if thanksgiving would have never happened. Would i still be close to those people? Would my life still be an adventure? Would i still be on so many drugs? Who the hell knows because life happened. People make choices and they never know if they are the right ones or the wrong ones but they feel good at the time. I look back and now as of who i am today i hated that person i used to be. I used to be a user and i would run over anyone for a good time but it seems life was happening and i was along for the ride. These days i almost feel like i will never fit like i'm standing on the outside looking threw this window. Wishing someone would notice and walk out and dance with me. Would sing with me. Just be with me. I have someone who i know loves me more than anything in the world why is that not good enough? Why is there still this whole. Fuck the idea of religion before the thought comes in your head. Iv had your religion and i returned it with a full refund. I believe there is a god i believe in heaven and hell along with the h/g. My thing is if religion means i deal with christians than i can live without just like if heaven if its forever kicken it with people who claim something and do the exact opposite than let me burn in hell. I can live without. Religion is about relationship blah blah blah. Iv heard it all before and i would probably be willing to put money on the fact that iv said it but for now i choose life...i choose to be selfish and live the life that is set b4 me. I will let karma dictate things and if i play nice than life should be nice in return...right?

i got on here this morning(tonight because iv yet to sleep) to find this poem i wrote years ago for a special someone yet i feel like it could help someone new today. Its crazy how words wrote out of love and compassion for one person can help someone else even though the feelings are completely different...hmm

well i guess for now...good night. back to my search